One of the things that in the last 2 decades has become widely preached is the idea that as Christian men, we must love our families. Awesome. Love them above work. Love them above others. Love them over ministry, church, hobbies, you name it. This is true and good. But I’ve seen times where love for OUR family, it’s culture and traditions end up prioritizing them above Jesus.
Anything that gets preferred over Jesus is an idol – so is your blood, your last name, your kin or your tribe more important to you than Jesus?
The american dream of big houses, big patios, big get-togethers and big family will get in the way of following Jesus if we let it. The more I think about it, perhaps the intrinsic desire for big family and big houses stem from us being image-bearers of God, who wants no one to perish and builds mansions for all His faithful servants.
Following Jesus Doesn’t Equal Family Comforts
The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your native country, your relatives, and your father’s family, and go to the land that I will show you…”
The very first link in our chain of faith had to wave bye-bye to the comforts and familiarity of family.
As they were walking along, someone said to Jesus, “I will follow you wherever you go.”But Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place even to lay his head.”
Dens and nests are needed to raise healthy, protected young – but Jesus denied himself those comforts and He warns those who want to follow Him that comforts are sometimes scarce. Jesus’ focus wasn’t on raising a fleshly family to take His last name; He’s focus was and is raising a spiritual family that doesn’t carry His name by birth, but by action.
Joseph had to adopt Jesus. He was ready to end his relationship with Mary because the possibility of an honorable, earthly family had been compromised. Jesus didn’t take Josephs last name, at least not that I know of, and certainly not in history we read.
Are you willing to compromise the glory of your family name to propagate a new spiritual family in Jesus?
Sibling Rivalry
Mary and Martha became divided over one following Jesus and the other doing what’s ‘right’. Are you at odds with your siblings for following Jesus? Or would you leave Jesus in the living room to help drain the spaghetti?
At one point, my brother Ryan left our home church to attend college at Ball State University. There, he found a new church – with new views, new theology, new interpretations of scripture. Ryan, following his heart towards Christ now had many things to say about the way I believed – and it was a separative element for a while. But, because He followed Christ above our family’s norm, we are all better for it. I’m glad Ryan followed Christ and stopped following me.
Jesus Diverted Attention Away From Earthly Family
As Jesus was speaking to the crowd, his mother and brothers stood outside, asking to speak to him. Someone told Jesus, “Your mother and your brothers are outside, and they want to speak to you.” Jesus asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”
My Pastor will pause any conversation, any meeting to answer a phone call from his kids. I love that. A son and a daughter always need to know they can reach their father. So, in this scripture, Jesus silenced his phone for a few seconds of opportunity to teach about His TRUE family – those obedient to His Father’s will. Now, I don’t think it’s wrong to imagine Jesus attending to His mother and brothers after that quick lesson.
Jesus was willing to put family on a level below His Father, our Father.
As he was speaking, a woman in the crowd called out, “God bless your mother—the womb from which you came, and the breasts that nursed you!” Jesus replied, “But even more blessed are all who hear the word of God and put it into practice.”
This woman in this passage probably just wanted to be considerate of Mary, thinking she must’ve had SOMETHING to do with the awe-inspiring life of Jesus. Jesus took that time to divert attention away from His earthly family and place it on His true family – the obedient. Jesus’ significance didn’t come from Mary’s genes, it came from being obedient to His Father. Jesus significance wasn’t drawn from the wells of Mary and Joseph, it was drawn from the wells of His Father, our Father.
A New Family
After the rich young ruler walked away sad, Peter asked Jesus what he and the other disciples’ reward would be after leaving home, family, children, houses, etc. Jesus replied with this,
“…I assure you that everyone who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or property, for my sake and for the Good News, will receive now in return a hundred times as many houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and property—along with persecution. And in the world to come that person will have eternal life. But many who are the greatest now will be least important then, and those who seem least important now will be the greatest then.”
Jesus didn’t deny the hardships of placing Him over our kin, but He does promise rewards on earth AND in the life to come. Our reward here on earth is a new family: not 100x our genetic families, not 100x property we own…I mean, really, how is someone going to get 100 new biological mothers…it ain’t happenin’. But we DO get a new family, a spiritual family, not one divided by blood, last name, skin color, reputation or otherwise. We get a family united in Christ.
Paul only had one biological mother. In his travels, I wonder how many women housed him, clothed him, fed him etc.
I’m not sure how many biological children Peter had, but I’m sure it’s far outnumbered by the number of young people who came to Christ as a result of his obedience; easily a 100x the number of children he left to follow Jesus.
This new family isn’t one of comfort or familiarity, but one of love and intentional Christ-centered attitudes. …and if we’re doing it right, it will probably be a lot more numerous than our biological family.
God Blesses Those Who Mourn
Following Jesus has it’s fair share of loss and grief. Part of being part of the true family of God is sometimes being divided from those we love.
Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against—or two in favor and three against.Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother;
and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.
It’s going to happen. When we follow Jesus, at some point, in some measure, we will experience loss and grief regarding our family and it’s traditions and comforts.
If your kids have left home and city to pursue their call, don’t talk them out of it. God bless you.
If your unsaved family disagrees with your Hope in Christ and no longer invites you to fellowship. God bless you.
If you and your spouse are at odds because you are following Jesus, God bless you.
If you and your kids hate your guts because you are following Jesus, God bless you.
So What’s the Point?
I don’t want you to think I’m against raising a godly family. This week, my first-born daughter turned 3 months…I know how to love my family. But, there is a day coming when my daughter is going to have to choose her father’s will or her Father’s will.
I’m against a family that stays inward even when Jesus might be calling the members outward. I’m against a person immersing themselves in family tradition even if it belies their faith in God. I’m against parents telling their children to take over the family business even when Jesus has called them to pastor. I’m against the stale norm of Christian television personalities featuring their family even when that member has nothing to offer or say. I’m against a family shunning a child because they have a new vision of Jesus – and I’m against a child denying a new vision of Jesus because he’s afraid of being outed.
We cannot dishonor, disrespect or scorn our families, but if we get put in a position to choose family OR Jesus, Jesus should win every time.
So let us love our families above our jobs, above others, above hobbies, above sleep….but NOT above Jesus.
I have never really heard a message on this but I think church leaders need to understand it and address it more.
Tim Edwards 